no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
