Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
