The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
