Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
