my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize