do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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