do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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