I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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