i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
