I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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