ya dads aren't the best wingmen
gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
