I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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