You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
