I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
