You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize