There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize