apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Randomize
