everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
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