someone owes me an orgasm
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
