Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
