time to smoke my breakfast
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize