"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
