The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
