I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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