when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize