I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam š
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
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