fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
worst night to have a conscience
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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