That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
