My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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