Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
