Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
