You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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