I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
