I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
