absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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