what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
