I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You are a genius and a whore.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
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