I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
