This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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