So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize