He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
