I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
