I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
