I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
