"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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