i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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