Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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