Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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