for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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