He is an equal opportunity slut.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
