Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
