I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
