tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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