I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
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