I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Randomize