honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
