I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Randomize
