I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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