I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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