Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I want her autograph on my taint
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
