ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize