I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
