she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize