My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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