Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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