I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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