nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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