your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize