Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
