If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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