does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
