I think I won the penis lottery.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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