dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
