We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
