Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
