Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she looked like the before picture.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
