Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
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