remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize