Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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