honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Randomize
