captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
