He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
